Dateline Friday, August 26, 2005
Lloyd Douglas Jessee, while trying for the national team at a regional competition, skipped all steps of the ladder and proceeded to try a single point landing on his bottom.
The judges awarded him an average score of 5.5, crushing his Olympic dreams for the USA's Olympic Ladder Dismount Squad (as well as his pride).
In an effort to cover up this failed landing, Doug continued to work his Network Recabling routine for almost an hour, before finally admitting to injury when he failed to complete the 'Move Table Back' maneuver. Though no bones were broken or chipped, the doctor has placed Doug on bed rest, two painkillers, and a muscle relaxant for his injured back.
More breaking news of Mr. Jessee's condition will follow on Monday, after seeing the doctor again.